Thursday, December 23, 2010

Time for an Update

When I started this blog, it was my full intensions to post at least twice a week, and now im finding it hard to post 1 every 2 weeks. Im gonna change that. I said I would document my journey, that way I might help, inspire and prevent anyone including myself  from being ashamed of Obesity. Well as of today Im down to 319lbs. Thats about 47-ish  pounds that I have lost since the end of July and about 20lbs in 17 days. I feel amazing... well I WAS, but I'll come back to that. I went for my post-op app in Chico on the 16th, Doctor said everything looked great.I went out and bought a sexy cute pink bra, which I can't wear until my incisions heal, I had to buy new shoes, I went fom a 10, to a 9. I also went and got a new pair of yoga type pants, at Old Navy(WOW) they were a xxl.. SHOCKING, but happy.. While at my Post-op,  I was able to see my Gall Stones, there was about 15 of those little bastards. Doc said my Gallbladder was hard as a drum and it was well over due for its exit. He advanced my diet from liquids only to Puree (yea me). I go back to see him at the end of Jan. I started back to work a week after surgery. I felt sooo good, that it seems like I was being lazy not to, even though I just had to major surgerys, yes im stubborn. Its been a trying week. I haven't been getting all my water in everyday. Its hard, but Im tying. I thought I would be a pro, a champ, a superstar, and for the most part I am, but theres that dark place in the back of my mind that says this surgery may not work and I will always be fat. I'm starting to feelmthe "healing" effect of the surgery. I have been very very sore and in some pain in my upper tummy where they went threw the man abdominal wall. I have becme a slave the scale with is driving me NUTS!! I haven't lost any pounds in abput 4 days, which is completely normal, So I have decided to put my scale away and not weight myself until new years day.. I refuse to add this tourment t myself. Christmas is almost here. I have been being as strong as i can for my kids and husband, but my walls finally crumbled tonight. I sat and cried and cried. Im tired, tired of being alone, tired of hang noone to hold hands with, not having a goodnight kiss, not having a should to rest my head on. I miss my husband, he is my support system. I try to put up this strong face, but deep down Im a hurt and broken person. Im not the type of woman who needs a man to make her life complete, but he is my companion, he knows every detail about me and I know every detail about him and now thats gone.  Life does go on and tommorrow will come, but my life is better when he is with me. The kids are taking it like champs, but I can tell they miss hiim also. Soo enough with the sappy.... I will start soft foods next week and moderate excerise, IM SOO EXCITED about that.. I thougth I would end with a list of what im soo thankful for.. here goes

Im thankfl for healthy beautiful children
the most Amazing husband any girl culd be blessed with
Im thankful he has a job, even tho he is away
Im thankful  had surgery before our insuance changes on 1.1.11
Im thankful the surgery went perfect
Im soo very thankful for my friends who have been there for me to cry too
Im thankful for a great place to work, I love going in each day
and Im thankful for a sweet as pie shop owner, she is a awesme
Im thankful for the best In-laws anyone could ask for
Im thankful for my family, even thos we aren't super close, nothing is more important that family ..
Im thankful  to whoever really reads my blogs. Thank you for giving me an outlet to express myself, and not judging me..

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