Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Its Almost New Years

I hope everyones Christmas was wonderful, I know mine was.  We had a great Christmas, altho I cried a lot, It was the first major holiday that my husband and I have have been apart. The kids missed him also. But we did Skypex-mas morning. I had him on skype and went downstairs first so he could see the suprised look on all the kids when they came down to see a bike and helmets for each of them under the tree. He watched the kids open all their presents. We then went and had a nice dinner at my Nanas. I've been pretty busy with the kids being outta school and working. I Cheated and weighed myself, I'm still at 319 lbs. Which means I have offically hit my 3week stall. Im not worried, more annoyed. Im also have Ketosis. I have a nasty soapy meticallic taste in my mouth. In the mornings I wake with this dry foamy feeling and I can't get outta bed fast enough to brush my teeth. MY incisions are pretty much all healed up. We bought a Xbox Kinecta couple months ago and LOVE IT. We got new games for it for x-mas and im totally hooked on Dance Central. Its one hell of a work out and fun too. Next week I can ofically start working out. Im gonna start looking at gyms tommorrow morning. I can't wait to sart seeing more weight come off. Well thats about it for now. I hope everyone has a safe andhappy New Year. See ya in 2011 :)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Time for an Update

When I started this blog, it was my full intensions to post at least twice a week, and now im finding it hard to post 1 every 2 weeks. Im gonna change that. I said I would document my journey, that way I might help, inspire and prevent anyone including myself  from being ashamed of Obesity. Well as of today Im down to 319lbs. Thats about 47-ish  pounds that I have lost since the end of July and about 20lbs in 17 days. I feel amazing... well I WAS, but I'll come back to that. I went for my post-op app in Chico on the 16th, Doctor said everything looked great.I went out and bought a sexy cute pink bra, which I can't wear until my incisions heal, I had to buy new shoes, I went fom a 10, to a 9. I also went and got a new pair of yoga type pants, at Old Navy(WOW) they were a xxl.. SHOCKING, but happy.. While at my Post-op,  I was able to see my Gall Stones, there was about 15 of those little bastards. Doc said my Gallbladder was hard as a drum and it was well over due for its exit. He advanced my diet from liquids only to Puree (yea me). I go back to see him at the end of Jan. I started back to work a week after surgery. I felt sooo good, that it seems like I was being lazy not to, even though I just had to major surgerys, yes im stubborn. Its been a trying week. I haven't been getting all my water in everyday. Its hard, but Im tying. I thought I would be a pro, a champ, a superstar, and for the most part I am, but theres that dark place in the back of my mind that says this surgery may not work and I will always be fat. I'm starting to feelmthe "healing" effect of the surgery. I have been very very sore and in some pain in my upper tummy where they went threw the man abdominal wall. I have becme a slave the scale with is driving me NUTS!! I haven't lost any pounds in abput 4 days, which is completely normal, So I have decided to put my scale away and not weight myself until new years day.. I refuse to add this tourment t myself. Christmas is almost here. I have been being as strong as i can for my kids and husband, but my walls finally crumbled tonight. I sat and cried and cried. Im tired, tired of being alone, tired of hang noone to hold hands with, not having a goodnight kiss, not having a should to rest my head on. I miss my husband, he is my support system. I try to put up this strong face, but deep down Im a hurt and broken person. Im not the type of woman who needs a man to make her life complete, but he is my companion, he knows every detail about me and I know every detail about him and now thats gone.  Life does go on and tommorrow will come, but my life is better when he is with me. The kids are taking it like champs, but I can tell they miss hiim also. Soo enough with the sappy.... I will start soft foods next week and moderate excerise, IM SOO EXCITED about that.. I thougth I would end with a list of what im soo thankful for.. here goes

Im thankfl for healthy beautiful children
the most Amazing husband any girl culd be blessed with
Im thankful he has a job, even tho he is away
Im thankful  had surgery before our insuance changes on 1.1.11
Im thankful the surgery went perfect
Im soo very thankful for my friends who have been there for me to cry too
Im thankful for a great place to work, I love going in each day
and Im thankful for a sweet as pie shop owner, she is a awesme
Im thankful for the best In-laws anyone could ask for
Im thankful for my family, even thos we aren't super close, nothing is more important that family ..
Im thankful  to whoever really reads my blogs. Thank you for giving me an outlet to express myself, and not judging me..

Monday, December 13, 2010

Its Been 1 week

Its been very much smooth sailing. I was full on driving by Friday, able to shower and changed my own bandages. I get very tired still tho and rather quickly too. I have lost 12lbs since Last Monday for a total of 40Lbs since Aug.  I so excited to see what the New Year brings. I have been thinking towards the future the last couple of day. Once I lose more weight, Im thinkng of putting My Law Enforcement Degree to work and work in Probation or maybe do a Police Academy, or putting my Medical Background to use and  becoming a EMT.. suddenly life seems to be full of endless options and I can't wait to explore them ;)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

5 days Post-op surgery

So I went in @ 5:30am On Monday 12-6-2010. I had my Best friend next to me and the Best Mother-inlaw next to me. I was nervous,  When I got on the table tears started roll outta my eyes, The nurses  were very comforting. I remmeber telling them as I faded out " I have 3 kids who thnk I'm very important, so I have make out ok." When I woke up, boy oh boy was I in pain. I woke in recovery and tried taking out the nose oxygen thingy, and the nurse said " no no" I told her I was in pain, a lot of pain, which she promtly told me " Well this is what you wanted" BITCH... I Got up to my room and all that day I was very groggy. I tried to get up and walk, but I only started dry heeving.  I really started to think I F'ed up good this time. I told the Doc to fix me back..  Talk about Buyers Remourse. The next day was better, very sore, I took a shower and walked walked walked. Started talking  meds orally by that night. The next day I felt even better, Walking really did help the gas  in my tummy. My Mother-inlaw  drove me home and I rested on the couch. Everyday has gotten better and better, I barely use the pain meds. I have been sleeping on the couch, it reclines and makes sleeeping very nice. I head back to the Doc on the 16th, hopfully then I will be able to get off the liquid diet and start soft foods, I have been craving egg beaters with salt and pepper and Ketchup... and Egg salad ... soon enough .. My tummy  looks like I stopped 7 bullets LOL  and I tire quickly, but Its just my body re-adjusting.. So I will keep everyone update on my weight loss, so far I have lost 5 pounds since Monday..

Sunday, December 5, 2010

its the night before surgery and all threw the Hotel

Everyone is sleeping except me.... We made it to Chico. Thank god we left early and decided to stay the night here in Chico , My surgery was changed to 7am instead of 10am. It poured rain the whole way here and we saw a very nasty car accident. Im getting nervous and excited. I just setteled in and showered with the Hibiclens and placed my patch behind my ear. Its almst 10pm and im wide awake, but tired as hell. I'm wondering  if this is going to extreme? Is this really whats its come to? I have lost 30lbs on my own, do I really need this surgery. The Answer is YES, Hell YES!! I have been able to loose the weight, but it has never stayed off. This is a once in a lifetime  options for me. Never again will my insurance be soo good, Its perfect timing, and I paid the $3500 surgeon fee.

This is it.. I will do this, I am scared, but i will rock this surgery and will lose as much weight As I can. I will be thinner and I will play with my kids more, I will take them bike riding, I will play sports with them. I will feel better about myself, I will be able to shop at normal places, not just Fat girl stores. I will go into surgery with my held held high, knowing i have tried everything i could to be thin and I have done my part to loose as much weight prior to surgery. I will use this tool 100%,  In 6 hours I willbe up and ready to embark on my new journey, I will rock this surgery!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Half way threw the Liquid diet

So I will not lie.. The Liquid diet started out SHITTY.. I was bitchy, grumpy, hungry. It was horrid. It took me 3 days to adjust. Now its not bad at all. I have lost about 5 lb, Im now down to 340lbs. I have lost a total of 27lbs since I started this .. Its nice that people can see it too. I'm gonna pack a couple things tonight for the hospital. My mother-inlaw will be flying in Sunday. Im glad she will be there. I really hope my best friend can make it, she makes me laugh and I know she will calm my nerves. Im scared of course, but its more nervous to get this done and in the past.  Im not sure if I mentioned it, but I cut all  my hair of, Its very punky, I love it.. Im noticing my skirts are barely staying on :) Its an amazing feeling .. I will be posting a couple pics of me (full length) before surgery and Pics of surgery also.. I will try to update this the night before surgery :) I check ion the hospital at 7:30am Monday morning

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Wow.. Its been a while ;)

 I have been meaning to update my blog and keep everyone updated on whats going on.  As most y ou you know my surgery was cancelled until Dec 6 th. My hubby came home on Leave  on the 8th, and  it was nice having him home, even tho he won't be here for my surgery. I had another Endo on the 12th.. Everything look great, peachy and I picked up all my post-op meds. I start my liquid diet on Friday. I have to admit i gained a few pounds while the hubbs was home. He wanted all these comfort foods and eating out ( Gift cards from Mother-Inlaw helped that out a lot).We mostly enjoyed out time as a family. He hung out at work with me a lot, we had a blast. The Hubs left yesterday, its was hard and it never gets easier.My Mother-inlaw is flying in on thr 5th to be here withmy while I have surgery.. I can't wait to get this part over with!!

I have learned so much already about myself and how much Im willing to put up with. I no longer bow down to people. I don't have to please anyone ( not that I really did before LOL) I let  ALOT of dumb, childish comments and stuff roll off my back. I don't feed into it, No matter how baited it is.  I have come to see who will most likey be my friends on the other side, and I must say, Im really not to suprised.  Im done bending over backwards for people, when Im not thier priority. Its not worth it to me. Since I will loose some hair after surgery, I decided to cut it all off. My hair is rather thin and was a tad longer than shoulder length. I guess this was a way for me to have control over it. Its very edgy and funky. Spikey in the back and long in front, with one side much longer than the other. I have already gotten a hand-full of complements on it just today :) I will try to update this a couple more times before surggery, which is in 11 days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Adios for now peeps


Friday, November 12, 2010

Had another Endo today

I went back for my follow up Endo today. Some of you may remmeber I was supposed to have surgery on Nov 9, but the Doctor found H. Pyolrie when i had my endo. SO i have 2 weeks full of 2 different meds. I went back to  have another endo today, My Doc said everything looks great. My gastritis is a lot better and everything else looks fine. The doctor did a abdomen check and I haven't gained any of the weight I was required to loose. I have about 5 more to loose. Im excited, I have a pre-op next week and start the liquid diet right after Thanksgiving. It seems everything to fall into place, finally. Im just praying nothing else comes up.

Monday, November 1, 2010

This seem to be going ok

So the most recent  new is my surgery is Dec 6th. I have another endo on the 12th. If that clears my surgery will push forward. I was so very angry, mad, and hurt. I will not be able to have surgery while my hubby is here. But It will work ut, it always does. I have Maintained my weight. Im still doing the liquid thing, just ewting one meal. I take state Board this week. I will be glad when its over.  Derrick will be home in a week. Im so excited. I can't wait. I miss hm so much, the kids miss thier dad. I miss waking up next to him. Im doing this surgery for him, my kids, and yes for myself too. I wanna buy cute clothes, not just drape myself in yards of fabric. I wanna look sexy for my husband, hip for my kids and feel normal in my own skin. We are planning a Disney Cruise for this next summer. A mexican Riveria cruise. I can't wait. I'm prayng and prayng nothing else hold this surgery up .... Please join me in prayer, Im gonna need it :)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

HUGE set back

Im sitting here in TEARS, bawling my eyes out. I was soo close. Nov 9th was my surgery date, I did all my pre-op stuff, lost 23lbs. I had my endoscopy done Last friday, it came back that i have gastritis and H.polori. So I have been on 2 antibaiotics since Monday. Well one of them was making me very sick, so i called the doc office. She just called me back and said that i was getting another script and my surgery had to be moved to Dec 14th. I have to be on the meds for 2 full weeks, then have another Endo done to make sure the bacteria is gone. They don't have anything until Dec14th. I feel cheater, crushed, like i wanna throw a toddler fit. I busted my ass to loose the weight. I have been on a liquid diet  since Oct7th. I planned for my husband to be here. He is Overseas and this was the only time he could be home to help me, NOW , i have pretty much NO one. I explained all this to the Doc nurse and they understand but there is nothing that can be done. I'm crushed and feel like i wanna give up and stay fat forever.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Well I had the Endoscopy done today.

I was nervous as hell this morning. Not really until i put on the gown and then I had the most amazing people around me. My Ex-husband went with me, to drive me home and he really did calm my nerves. The nurses were great. The IV went in very smooth, no pain at all. Then I was wheeled into the procceder area and given meds and it was all over.. YEA!!! And I weighed in this morning and im down to 346!!! YEA!!! Im doing great!! Next week i start my lab work and my EKG and chest x-ray.. Im soo close and i can't wait!!!! Nothing can bring me down ;)

Monday, October 18, 2010

Im still here

I had non-eventful weekend. I didn't do much, but clean clean clean. Im trying to prep for my hubby coming home, me going to state board, and my surgery. My gallblatter knows its about to be evicted, its been giving me hell. I keep patting it, telling it it has only 22 more days LOL. The days seem to be dragging by lately. I want to hurry up and go to state board, hurry up and  see my hubby, hurry up and have suregry.. and you know how life is. Life is Hurry up and wait !!!
 Im soo stressed out( my own fault) and im breaking out like a teenager.. blehhhhh

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

another day, another pound(hopfully)

well my little girl was sick, so i was unable to go to school. Instead i busted out a ton of cleaning which i hope would have burned a ton of calories. I have had a couple shakes today and a couple bites of baked chicken. I have to admit, Im a little scared that i won't lose enough weight to have surgery. there was no movement on the scale today and that freaked me. I get to do my labs on the 25th and do my endoscopy on the 29th. Im ready to get more surgery related stuff out of the way. I feel like im being pulled in 10 ways. I have  to do all this pre-op surgery stuff, finish my Nail tech school. Then I need to study and pass boards on the 4th. I feel like I will finally be able to fully take a breath when my surgery is over and im resting in the hospital. Usually im not a chaotic person at all, but to be honest it almost makes the days fly by faster  lol. Tomorrow is one day closer to a new start on life... YEA!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

pretty uneventful day

not much to report today. I can 100% say that not an ounce of food has passed threw these lips. The last 2 days i have had 4 shrimps at night to calm the grumble, but not today. I hope i wake up  and the scale says it paid off. I have my endoscopy thing on the 22nd of this month, im kinda nervous about it, but im sure I'll be fine.  Well world, Im off to shower and start a new day tomorrow!!!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I lost 6lbs since i saw the doc

YEA!!! It really helps the to know that the hard work( not eating is HARD work!!) is paying off. When i was the Doc i was 356, now im 350.. Only 10 more pounds till surgery, which i wil loose and more im sure. It seems to be getting easier the hungry feeling. It REALLY sucks smelling food tho. Like foods that are not good for you but taste sooo damn good. Instantly my mouth waters ;( soo i grab a water for protien shake.  I feel a tad depressed i must admit. The thought of not being able to gulp down a drink or eat a yummy peice of pizza kinda makes me sad. I love to eat, which is why my ass is so big LOL.. i just gotta remind myself.. NOTHING tastes as good as THIN will feel.....................

Friday, October 8, 2010

well today wasn't too bad

So I did go to bed with a hungry tummy last night, I was sipping of Zero Vit water, which helped a tad. I woke up and had a 16oz protein drink, WHY can't they make these to taste like bacon & eggs :( everything is sweet this sweet that .. BLEHHHH  I hung out with my best friend for most of the day, Im really blessed to have a wonderful chica in my life like her. I went to GNC today. I wiped the clearance section out and actually found some tasty drinks.  I had 3 drinks today and a small tiny dinner. Im trying so hard to stick to the liquid diet. I honestly hated every minute of eating, and now i feel crummy, but tommorrow is a new day. So i thought i would disclose my weight today. Hey if Im gonna be honest it should start from the start, right? well my hughest weight has reached 370 ::thud::  wow, I actually wrote that out. My current weight is 354. Everyone who knows my weight swears up and down i don't look that big, but i think they are just being nice to the fat kid .. LOL I got my test date for state board( Im taking the Manicurist test) and thats Nov 4.. Damn thats when i was supposed to have my pre-op witht he doc, so im hoping to reschedule that... I have unknowingly given up diet soda, I don't know how long that will last, but i have no want for it.  And energy drinks too, i have them in my fridge and don't even reach for them, which is nice, but im getting caffine withdrawl headaches.  Ok, well enough for tonight.  Peace out!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Today i set the date

So today I set and paid for Gastric Bypass surgery. I can honeslty say I was a tad nervous to hand over the check and set a date.  I have a date of Nov 9th, 2010. Im on a liquid protein diet until surgery, Im already hungry and ate a hard boiled egg and 3 bits of salad. It seems like the only drinks out there are all sweet. Which is fine sometimes, but not when you want the baked chicken your kids had for dinner. I want to write here daily. I think it will help me and maybe anyone reading it. I know I will greeve the foods i once loved. I took the boys to a yummy cupcake shop and I was suprised how easy ikt was to turn it down, i gues the thought of my in skinny jeans was more powerful... lol. Im actually at peace with the surgery, im nervous, but no longer scared, my doctor is a very soft spoken man, who puts me fears to rest. Im ready to start this new wonderful journey in my life... and i will be updating this often, join me for my honest, no hold barge, real in your face journey threw weight loss surgery :)